


A Fairy Tale

by kethni



Category: Veep (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, F/M, request
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 03:04:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13494492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kethni/pseuds/kethni
Summary: ‘Is this where you tell me about aliens?’ Selina asked.‘There aren’t any aliens,’ the woman said.‘Darn.’‘There are vampires.’Selina looked at Kent, Ben, and the woman.‘Well, duh. Everyone knows that. It was a whole big thing.’





	A Fairy Tale

**Author's Note:**

> Intronerd requested a fic where Kent is a mindreader surprised to find out that it's his big brain that gets Selina's engine running. 
> 
> Fair warning: I didn't manage to get a good grip on this. I hope it's at least an interesting failure.

It took days, she knew it did, but it felt like hours. She was constantly running, being pushed here and there, given briefings, and codes, and dire warnings.

It was starting to be sat at the desk. That desk. It felt like a sudden period actor a paragraph of breathless prose.

Selina took a sip of water and looked at the hard-faced woman in front of her.

Her hair was scraped back from her face and the sharp lines of her designer suit were brutally abrupt. She looked, Selina thought, like she murdered small animals for fun. Kent cleared his throat.

‘Is this where you tell me about aliens?’ Selina asked.

‘There aren’t any aliens,’ the woman said.

‘Darn.’

‘There are vampires.’

Selina looked at Kent, Ben, and the woman.

‘Well, duh. Everyone knows that. It was a whole big thing.’ She pulled a face. ‘A whole thing my predecessor did not deal well with.’

‘He refused to deal with the vampire council,’ the woman said. ‘They’re hopeful that you’ll be more open to a dialogue.’

‘Not while they claim sovereignty over vampires on American soil,’ Ben said.

‘The council membership has changed,’ Kent said. ‘They’ve been badly weakened. Now would be a good time to negotiate.’

‘Negotiate?’ Selina asked. ‘Wow. Here I was thinking I was the president.’

‘Human president,’ the woman said. ‘The various non-human races all have their own hierarchies.’

She saw Ben slap his hand over his face.

‘I’m sorry,’ Selina said. ‘Did you say “various,” as in not just vampires?’

Ben groaned. ‘Great work, Mathilde.’

Selina narrowed her eyes and took a breath.

‘Ma’am, only vampires have officially stepped forward into the brotherhood of species,’ Kent said. ‘They’re the only ones currently asking for diplomatic relations.’

‘Fuck that,’ Selina said. ‘I don’t care if you’re a vampire, human, muppet, or fucking cereal mascot: you live in this country then you play by our rules. I’ll talk to them, the way I’d talk to any community leaders but that’s it.’

‘That’s disappointing,’ the woman said.

‘Hey, it’s better than Hughes,’ Ben said.

Selina snorted. Hughes, she thought, was barely comfortable talking to black people.

Kent winced.

‘Who are you anyway?’ Selina asked. ‘Mathilde who?’

‘Mathilde Hart,’ she said. ‘I’m your secretary for alternative alien affairs.’

Selina narrowed her eyes. ‘Secretary for vampires?’

‘All non-human species.’ Mathilde said. ‘Vampires, werewolves, fairies, elves –’

Kent cleared his throat. ‘The president doesn’t need the full list at this moment.’

‘Werewolves?’ Selina asked. ‘Fairies? Are you kidding me?’

‘Nobody gives a fuck about werewolves,’ Ben said. ‘They’re just packs here and there. They’re not organised. They don’t have a leadership.’

‘Vampires are generally the most organised,’ Kent said, ‘and where they go others will follow.’

‘Who do they vote for?’ Selina asked.

‘Not for Hughes,’ Ben said.

‘How do I make sure they don’t oogie-boogie me? Do stuff to my mind?’

‘Glamour,’ Mathilde said.

‘Whatever.’

‘You won’t be meeting in person,’ Kent said. ‘There’s no risk.’

‘Why no meeting in person?’ she asked.

The three of them exchanged glances.

‘There are no vampires in D. C.,’ Kent said, ‘and none will travel here. D. C. has a large population of people of elvish descent. Vampires avoid them.’

Selina drummed her fingers on the desk. ‘How many elves?’

‘At the last count five thousand, six hundred, and seventeen,’ Kent said. ‘Not counting those who don’t identify that way for one reason or another.’

‘Jesus, are they dangerous?’

‘No,’ Kent said.

‘Not to humans,’ Mathilde said.

Kent frowned. ‘They’re not dangerous to vampires.’

‘That’s not what vampires think,’ Mathilde said.

Ben snorted. ‘By that logic vampires are all dangerous to humans.’

Selina snapped her fingers. ‘What’s the deal with elves and vampires?’

Kent spread out his hands. ‘Elvish blood has a kind of narcotic effect on vampires drinking it, so they have learned to avoid it. However, there are some people of mixed ancestry where the effect is aerosolised. It can diffuse widely, and it can last a significant span of time.  However, the particular genetic combination necessary to produce the effect is quite rare, there only a few such individuals worldwide.’

‘Any in D. C.?’ Selina asked.

The hesitation was weird, Selina thought. Suspicious, even.

‘Yes,’ Kent said.

‘Good. That glamour thing makes me nervous.’

***

Selina’s day was a stampede of meetings, photo ops, briefings... and then it wasn’t. It was late. It was quiet. Even Amy was looking fidgety.

‘Can you believe this bullshit?’ Selina asked.

‘Which bullshit?’

‘There has been a lot,’ Sue agreed.

‘The fairies and elves and fuck knows what else,’ Selina said. ‘Oh, fuck. Are you allowed to know that, Sue?’

She didn’t look so much surprised as stunned. ‘I’ll pretend I don’t know,’ she said.

‘It’d be weird if there were vampires and nothing else,’ Amy said casually. ‘I think I may have dated a few.’

‘No vampires in D.C.,’ Selina said stretching.

‘A small mercy,’ Sue said with pursed lips.

Selina and Amy shared a surprised look.

‘Not a fan of the fang, Sue?’ Selina asked.

‘No.’

Amy glanced at her watch.

‘Okay, we’re done. I’ll see you both tomorrow.’ Selina shucked off her shoes and rubbed her feet as they left. Jesus. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Okay, that didn’t matter. This was what she had to work with.

She got up to pour herself a drink and heard... not raised voices. Lowered voices. Voices trying too hard not to be heard. One male. One female. Huh.

Selina opened her door a fraction. The argument was in Sue’s office, mere feet away.

‘... not, why would I do that?’ Kent’s voice.

‘Who knows why you do anything?’ That was Sue.

‘Mathilde told her, although frankly it was inevitable,’ Kent said. ‘Look, if you’re that concerned about someone telling her then you should do it yourself. She only cares about potential risk.’

Jesus Christ! Selina thought. _Sue_? And Kent knew about it.

‘That is utterly...’ Sue stopped talking suddenly.

Kent didn’t say anything other. After a moment, Selina heard a door shut, then a rustle, and then another door shut. Shit. She opened the door. Sue’s coat was gone. She turned as she heard Kent turn off his light. He stopped in his office doorway, his shoulders tensed.

‘Sue’s gone home,’ he said.

‘Yeah. Well, it’s late.’

He waited until she waved a hand, silently giving him permission to leave.

He had a great ass, she thought.

Kent almost walked into the door.

‘You okay?’ Selina asked.

‘It’s been a stressful day.’

Selina leaned back against the wall. ‘You’re right, you know.’

He cocked his head. ‘About what. Ma’am?’

‘I care that people; humans, vampires, Teletubbies, whatever, obey the law and don’t pose a threat. Otherwise...’ she shrugged. ‘Catherine’ll probably drag me to fairy cultural shows. Is that a thing?’

He smiled tightly. ‘For some people yes.’

‘Right.’ She licked her lips. ‘This is like a “don’t ask, don’t tell,” situation?’

‘How much of our conversation did you hear, Ma’am?’

Selina shrugged. ‘Enough to know Sue is kinda freaked, which is surreal and a little scary. I won’t ask what she is.’

‘Nothing hazardous.’ Kent said.

‘Not even to vampires?’

He shook his head. ‘Precisely the opposite.’

Selina thought about it. ‘She doesn’t seem to like them very much.’

‘She has cause,’ Kent admitted.

‘What about you? If I ask would you tell?’

He looked away and tapped his knuckles on the desk. ‘Are you asking, Ma’am?’

Selina shook her head. Great, she thought, now I made him think I’m a speciesist. Bigot. Whatever.

‘I guess not.’

He gave her a look she didn’t know how to interpret.

‘This is a complex situation. It’ll take a while to recalibrate.’

‘Sure,’ she said.

He headed to the door.

Great, she thought, now I’ve offended Kent, which I didn’t even think was possible. Fuck.

Kent stopped and looked back at her. ‘In the interests of transparency, Ma’am, I’m of mixed heritage. Some elvish, some fairy, and some human.’

‘Vampires don’t like you much, huh?’

A muscle ticked in his cheek. ‘Not much.’

‘That’s a thing, elvish, fairy, and human?’

‘It’s not that uncommon,’ Kent said. ‘Not everyone realises. Your ex-husband, Andrew, seems to be unaware he has some Elvish blood.’

Selina stared at him. ‘And Catherine...?’

‘Enough to make vampires wary but little other effect,’ Kent said. ‘Ma’am, I’d appreciate it if we could keep this between ourselves.’

‘Sure,’ she muttered. ‘Sure. But, shouldn’t I tell Catherine something?’

‘She’s not got clearance to hear it, and the effect on her life will be little or nothing.’

‘Right,’ Selina said. ‘Wow.’

***

  1. C. ran on interns and hysterical twenty-somethings, but it was the old guard who kept everything from descending into anarchy. While Amy flailed, and Dan panicked, Ben and Kent sat in their offices, taking calls and meetings, giving solutions rather than hurling problems at her.



It was kind of infuriating. Old white guys shouldn’t be better at their jobs, damn it.

The head of the vampire council, the new head, as Kent helpfully informed her, looked about fourteen.

‘She’s two hundred and six,’ Ben said. ‘But she was turned when she was fourteen. Christ, imagine being stuck at fourteen for two hundred years.’

Selina shuddered. ‘Braces and no tits, forever.’

‘The body is arrested at the moment of transformation,’ Kent said. ‘The mind continues to mature. She shouldn’t be underestimated.’

‘Thank God,’ Selina said, adjusting her blouse. ‘Negotiating with a teenager was bad enough when it was Catherine.’ She looked at Mathilde. ‘What do they want?’

‘To build a co-operative relationship built on tryst and respect.’

Selina looked at Kent. ‘What do they want?’

‘Help,’ he said. ‘Almost their entire leadership was wiped at in internecine strife. They lost food stores, security, and other infrastructure. They’re coming perilously close to anarchy.’

‘Negotiating with them lets them keep their pride,’ Ben said. ‘Keeps hot heads from doing any more stupid shit.’

‘Well, that’s... that’s not...’ Mathilde stuttered.

‘No food stores and security sounds bad.’ Selina interlaced her fingers. ‘What do I want, integration?’

‘Yes,’ Kent said firmly. ‘Full integration. They have to align politically and legally.’

‘Sounds good,’ Selina said.

‘You will destroy their culture!’ Mathilde wailed.

‘Their cultures are American or European or whatever the fuck,’ Ben said. ‘I give as much of a shit about them having their own courts and cops as Star Trek fans doing it. It’s about as reasonable.’

‘Star Trek fans probably wouldn’t have the death penalty,’ Kent said thoughtfully.

‘Let’s do this,’ Selina said.

‘You _can’t_ ,’ Mathilde said.

‘I fucking can, and I’m fucking gonna,’ Selina said.

‘I… I resign.’

Selina waved a hand. ‘Good. You’ve obviously forgotten which side you’re on. Kent, how long will it take you draw me up a shortlist of candidates?’

‘Less than an hour,’ he said.

Selina nodded. This was she needed, she thought, positive momentum. Getting things done. Kent might be kinda weird, and wasn’t entirely human, but he was smart. She needed that.

He’d gone red.

‘Shall we?’ he asked, gesturing at the laptop.

‘Do it.’

***

‘It’s such a weird idea,’ Dan said. ‘You could be walking through a hall and pass a non-human person any you’d never know.’

If anyone was likely to be non-human, Selina thought. You’d think it’d be Dan.

Kent cleared his throat. ‘In the same way that various proto-humans interbred, a variety of humans and non-humans have had children. It’s quite possible that large swathes of the population are unclear on their own genetic heritage.’

‘Are their health issues? There’s gotta be consequences,’ Selina said.

‘Ma’am, this has been going on for thousands of years,’ Ben said.

‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Are you gonna tell me Jesus was a fairy because...’

Ben looked at Kent. ‘Can we announce that? Just to watch Fox News implode.’

He shrugged. ‘Worth a shot.’

‘Can we get back to this budget crunch?’ Amy asked.

Sestina rubbed her neck. ‘The meeting with the joint chiefs is this afternoon.’

‘Another one?’ Dan asked.

‘The last one went so well.’

‘There’s the fundraiser for the Kentucky Governor,’ Ben said. ‘That’s this afternoon.’

Selina nodded agreeably. ‘Some Appalachian hospitality. Just keep me away from any addicts. I hear they’re fucking rife.’

‘The area is suffering economic distress,’ Kent said mildly.

Selina pulled her face. ‘You don’t see me turning to drugs just because I lost my job. They need to pull themselves up by the bootstraps.’

She saw the look that Amy and Kent exchanged. Fuckers, she thought. The spa wasn’t the same thing.

Kent folded his arms. ‘Perhaps we should move on.’

The truth was that Selina had been offended the first time she met Kent. He was smart, he was funny in a dry, sarcastic way, and he looked great. She wanted to like him, she wanted him to like her, but he treated her like an annoying hanger-on. Barely worth the scant respect he showed her.

He treated Amy with more respect. Hell, he was polite to Catherine.

He’d banged Sue, which had to take some doing. She’d demand respect, if not being waited on hand and foot.

But things had gradually improved. Kent had gradually become respectful and Selina had grown less hostile. She’d never admit it, but she had some sympathy. She’d deserved better, of course she did, but she was the vice president. When you were president, you realised just how unimportant the vice president was.

These days she could have a conversation with Kent that was almost warm. Almost. It was almost cordial. He didn’t tend to make the same bone dry funny comments she’d overheard him make to other people, but that was probably because she was the president. His boss. Kent was exactly the kind of guy who would curtail his sense of humour to be more professional.

He should’ve worn looser pants. The ones he wore were very distracting.

***

Kentucky was a lot less urban than Gary was prepared to deal with. Selina tapped her foot as he ran back and forth.

‘I can’t deal with this,’ she said. ‘Gary, sort out whatever it is you can’t find and ride in the car with Mike.’

‘Dan and Jonah are in there,’ Kent said, helping her into car.

‘It’s a ten-minute drive,’ she said. ‘Being squashed won’t kill them.’

Kent sat down and turned on his tablet.

‘Problem?’ Selina asked. ‘You got your frowny face on.’

‘Former secretary Mathilde Hart has gone off the radar,’ he said.

‘Boo-fucking-hoo.’

‘She has detailed knowledge of procedures, protocols, schedules, and security that would be best kept out of the public eye,’ he said.

‘Can’t they just change shit?’

‘Passwords and keys, yes,’ Kent said. ‘Scheduled events and security procedures, no. Generally, any former employee with high clearance is monitored for a brief while to ensure a foreign power or domestic threat doesn’t attempt to utilize any knowledge they have.’ He crossed his legs. ‘Her disappearance is concerning. It could be that she is perfectly well, or that she has fallen prey to some malign influence.’

Selina snorted. ‘Or she’s nut job. She seemed way too invested.’

He nodded. ‘IT found emails and other evidence of interactions with the Friends of Darkness, a cult of humans obsessed with vampires. It’s small so far and all the evidence is that actual vampires find them... embarrassing.’

‘With that name I’m not surprised. What are they Goths?’

The car took a sudden, sharp turn, followed by two others, and then sped up.

‘What the fuck?’ Selina demanded, banging on the hiding window. ‘Hey! What’re you doing?’

There was no answer.

‘That’s not our driver,’ Kent said grimly. He wound down his window. Outside, trees and bushes whipped past.

‘Where are we going?’ she asked.

He shook his head. Then his cell rang. He glanced at Selina.

‘Yes?’ he said. ‘Yes, we’re aware of that. No. A moment.’ He fiddled with the seat next to Selina before pulling it up. ln the gap below there were two handguns and two ammunition clips. Selina grabbed a gun.

‘Do you know how to use a gun?’ Kent asked.

‘Yeah! Mostly.’

He seemed unconvinced but returned to the phone. ‘We have them. Very well. Goodbye.’ He pushed Selina’s gun down. ‘Please don’t point that at me.’

‘It’s not loaded.’

‘How do you know, Ma’am?’ He checked the other gun: it was loaded.

Selina sheepishly lowered her gun. ‘What idiot leaves a loaded gun in the car?’

‘The Secret Service is trying to track the car or failing that my cell,’ Kent said.

‘Trying? What do you mean?’

He shrugged. ‘Mountains and scarce cell phone towers make for poor reception.’

The car began to slow.

Selina swallowed the bile that had risen in her throat. ‘What do we do?’

‘We can wait until we arrive wherever we’re being taken –’

‘Fuck that,’ Selina said. ‘They might shoot me. Or worse. What’s the alternative?’

‘Two,’ Kent said. ‘We try to bring the car to a halt, or three, we jump out.’

Selina tapped the dividing window. ‘Bulletproof.’

‘Bullet resistant,’ Kent corrected. ‘Bulletproof is a misnomer.’

‘Whatever! We can’t shoot him.’

Kent shook his head. ‘He can’t shoot _us_. The resistance is one way. Same with the windows. Nonetheless, shooting the driver seems a poor plan.’

Selina chewed her lip. ‘I don’t much wanna jump out. We could shoot the car.’

He looked blank.

‘Lean out the window and shoot a tire! Don’t look at me like that. Is it riskier than shooting the driver or letting ourselves be kidnapped?’

Kent sighed. ‘That seems unlikely.’

Selina buckled herself in. ‘Okay I’m ready.’

‘Put the gun back, please,’ he said. ‘I don’t wish to die of friendly fire.’

She rolled her eyes as she put the gun away. ‘The tire shouldn’t deflate right away,’ she said. ‘Get back in quick and put your seatbelt on.’

She thought he was going to argue, but instead he took off his jacket, silently shook his head, and braced himself against the door.

‘Be careful, okay?’ she said, surprising herself. ‘Don’t fall out or anything.’

He looked taken aback but nodded. Then he leaned through the window.

The gun shots were shockingly loud. After the first shot, Selina covered her ears, but the second shot still penetrated the clamouring cacophony. A sudden swerve threw Kent against the door, and he dropped the gun out the window.

The car swerved one way and another, then juddered our rough ground. Selina was yelling, she could feel it, but she couldn’t hear it. The car was careening all over the ground, off the road now, and barely keeping from overturning.

The car began to lift, and then they hit something. Hard enough to throw them against the seatbelts. Hard enough to knock the air from Selina’s lungs. Hard enough to knock the gun from Selina’s hand. It dropped heavily at her feet.

Thank fuck it didn’t go off, she thought.

‘They’re designed not to go off when dropped,’ Kent said.

Selina took off her seatbelt. ‘Whoop di doo.’ She picked up the gun.

The car door opened.

All she saw was the gun. Not the hand holding it. Not the arm. Not the man. Just the gun. She didn’t even decide to fire. He body decided.

***

Selina kicked his leg.

‘Please don’t,’ Kent said. He was going the pockets of what remained of their would-be abductor.

‘Fucker deserves it,’ she said.

Kent looked at her. ‘This is unpleasant enough without the body jerking around.’

‘Sorry,’ she muttered.

Kent sat back. ‘According to his wallet he’s either Damien Goode, Christopher Carr, Peter Roberts, or Anthony Sinclair.’

‘Is there a piece of paper entitled: My evil plan?’

Kent surprised her with a small smile. ‘Sadly not. I’m sure we’ll be able to do something with his cell to find his accomplices.’

‘By we you mean...’

‘The administration,’ he said. ‘Or the NSA most likely.’

‘Good,’ Selina said. ‘Because I wouldn’t have a fucking clue.’

Kent stood up and brushed off his knees. ‘I suggest we move a little way from the car. We can’t be sure that his co-conspirators won’t find us before the secret service.’

Selina folded her arms. ‘Can’t we head back to the road?’ She shook her head before he could reply. ‘No, of course not. Fuck. We don’t which direction it is, or if the bad guys are there, or what. Plus, I guess we’re officially gonna pretend this never happened.’

‘I imagine so,’ Kent agreed.

‘Fuck. The first woman president and, oh yeah, foiled her own kidnap plot by shooting a guy, only nobody knows!’ She buried her face in her hands.

Kent awkwardly patted her shoulder and gave her a Kleenex.

Selina scrubbed away at her tears. ‘I got shaken up in the car.’

‘You killed someone,’ Kent said quietly. ‘He gave you little choice, but it must be traumatic.’

‘Fucker gave me _no_ choice,’ she said. ‘This feels unreal. Like a fucking nightmare.’

Kent sighed. ‘Let’s move a little away.’

‘Yeah, I guess.’ She said. ‘Are you getting a signal yeah yet?’ She walked along with him.

‘No, do you have a phone?’ He paused. ‘Gary has it?’

‘I don’t even carry my glasses.’

They found a small clearing where they could see the car, but the trees meant it was unlikely someone could sneak up on them.

‘Unless it’s vampires,’ Selina said.

Kent was fiddling with a briefcase he’d found in the car. ‘Vampires aren’t going to come near us,’ he said with total conviction.

‘No vampires in Kentucky?’ She asked.

‘Enough,’ he said.

Selina looked at him.

‘I believe I told you that they avoid those of us of Elvish descent,’ Kent said meekly.

‘Gotcha.’ Selina tapped her feet together. ‘You got enough in you to be a problem?’

‘The perfect amount.’ He opened the briefcase. ‘A quarter elvish, a quarter fairy, and two quarters human.’

‘Did you bang your head?’ Selina asked. ‘Two quarters is a half, Math guy.’

‘My mother is half human. My father is half human. Therefore, I have a quarter from each.’

Selina snorted. ‘That doesn’t sound right.’

‘It’s genetics, not math,’ Kent said.

‘You guys can spot each other, like you and Sue?’

‘Most of the time,’ he said. ‘Our own kind, certainly.’

Selina tried to straighten her clothes. ‘Does Ben know what you are?’

Kent snorted. ‘Ben knows what everyone is.’

His tone suggested the topic was closed. Selina folded her arms.

‘What’s in the case?’

‘A lot of paperwork, a tablet computer, a vacuum flask, and some sandwiches.’ Kent opened the bag. ‘Cheese and pickle.’

Selina snorted. ‘I kind of hope for something more Blofeld-y.’

Kent glanced at her. ‘I fear our friend is more of a low-level henchman than a top-flight villain in himself.’

‘Shit.’ She scratched her head. ‘Although the beautiful chick always dies so maybe it’s best this isn’t James Bond level stuff.’

Kent dumped the paperwork out onto the ground. ‘The problem with that view of events is that your shot the kidnapper. I suspect that makes you James Bond and I the sidekick.’

‘Aren’t sidekicks supposed to be funny?’

‘Felix wasn’t funny,’ Kent said.

Selina sat next to him and picked the paperwork. ‘You know character names?’

‘My father was always very fond of the sixties action films,’ Kent said. ‘I used to watch them with him.’

Selina looked at him. ‘When you were a kid?’

Kent nodded. ‘Especially on weekend afternoons. We curl up on the sofa. When I was very young I’m afraid I used to fall asleep.’

Selina smiled. ‘That’s cute. My mom didn’t let me watch TV. She said it would rot my mind.’

‘It’s hard to argue that those movies are particularly educational.’

‘I wish I had memories like that of my dad,’ Selina said quietly. ‘Must be night to have something to remember of him.

Kent turned on the tablet. ‘He’ll be around far longer than I will.’

‘What?’

Kent shrugged. ‘Having a mixed heritage is normally beneficial however there are occasional downsides. For me this is one.’

‘God, that’s horrible,’ Selina said. ‘I can’t imagine knowing Catherine was going to get old before I am.’

Kent sighed. ‘It’s not new information.’ He frowned at the tablet. ‘This talks about the Friends of Darkness.’

‘Ugh, those wannabe assholes.’

‘Wannabe assholes with whom Mathilde is associated,’ Kent said.

‘Fuck!’ she leaned back against the tree. ‘You got any magical powers?’

He gave her a look. ‘There’s no magic, Ma’am, only different applications of physics.’

Selina pulled a face. Right about now I’d be thrilled for some proper supernatural powers, she thought. I’d blow him if he could teleport.

His eyes widened. ‘I’m afraid nothing that would be helpful.’

‘That’s a weasel answer. Can you fly?’

He shook his head. ‘No wings.’

‘Can you do the glamour thing?’

‘Not on you,’ he said. ‘Why do you ask?’

Selina chewed her lower lip. ‘Because we’re stranded in the middle of god knows where and I need to know if I’m safe. Safe with you.’

She didn’t know how he’d react. You never could guess which men would get offended or upset or aggressive.

He sat back and sighed. ‘I see,’ he said quietly. ‘Men are afraid of being laughed at. Women are afraid of being murdered.’

‘Yeah.’

‘And you think my genetic makeup means that’s more likely?’

Selina winced. ‘I’m not a fucking racist.’

‘I’m not a fucking rapist,’ he said. ‘But I understand why this is a particularly difficult predicament for you to be in.’

She groaned. ‘Now I feel shitty.’

‘No guilt. It would ruin the line of your suit.’

Selina sniggered. ‘You and your non-sequiturs.’ She saw a movement from the corner of her eyes. Shit, she thought, is that a bear?

Kent was on his feet before she could speak. He scanned the trees, then shook his head. ‘It’s nothing,’ he said.

Selina stared at him. She got to her feet slowly, walked to Kent, and slapped him.

‘What the...?’

‘I didn’t say anything!’ she growled. ‘I _thought_ I saw a bear, and you freaked.’ She poked his chest. ‘Are you reading my mind?’

‘Not actively,’ he said, his voice catching.

Selina frowned. ‘What the fuck does that mean?’

Kent shrugged. ‘Not on purpose. I block out as much as I can, yet there are times when the odd thought slips through.’

She glowered at him. ‘You should’ve told me.’

‘It’s private,’ he said quietly.

‘My thoughts are private!’

He folded his arms. ‘I apologise. If I could ensure it didn’t happen then I would.’

‘You do that to other people?’ she asked suspiciously.

‘Sometimes,’ he said.

‘Do other people do it to me?’ she demanded.

‘None in the West Wing.’

She sat down. ‘What else do you do?’

‘Not much that would affect you,’ he said meekly.

‘Reading stray thoughts and you make vampires hate you. Great skill set.’

‘They don’t hate me, they fear me,’ he said.

Selina rolled eyes. ‘Why would a vampire be afraid of you?’ She threw a leaf at him. ‘You’re not scary.’

‘You said you were scared of me.’

‘Nuh-oh.’ She shook her finger at him. ‘I asked if I should be.’

Kent began making an empty spot to one side. ‘I don’t think so. I’ve never raised my hand to a lady, let alone anything else.’

‘I have,’ Selina said. ‘Beaned Andrew with a whisky bottle too.’ She licked her lips. ‘Kent, how long is Catherine going to live?’

‘If you need to ask then she’s aging like a human,’ he said. ‘Anything else would’ve been obviously very quickly.’ He looked at Selina. ‘She’s fine.’

Selina pulled a face. ‘She’s Catherine. Fine isn’t fine. Why couldn’t she have some charm, some charisma... Look who I’m talking to.’

Kent tore out some of the blank pages from the journal and set a fire. ‘Don’t do that, please.’

Selina folded her arms. ‘Don’t do what?’

‘Insult me. We both know that you don’t mean it and you’re lashing out.’ Kent looked at her. ‘I’m exhausted. I’m in some discomfort from the crash. I’m worried. I’m stressed. Being used as your personal stress ball is not helpful.’

Selina’s voice was quiet when she spoke. ‘You got hurt?’

‘Yes.’

‘Lemme see,’ she ordered.

He unbuttoned his shirt: there were vivid bruises on his chest and the shadow suggestion of something pressing where it shouldn’t be.

‘You think maybe you broke a rib?’ she asked.

‘Yes.’

Selina looked back toward the car. ‘Maybe there’s a First Aid kit.’

‘I looked.’

‘Guns and no First Aid kit. Great job, boys.’ She pushed back her hair. ‘You’re gonna be okay. You know that.’

‘As I’m having no discomfort breathing I probably haven’t punctured a lung.’ He looked at her. ‘However, I appreciate the reassurance.’

She pulled a face. ‘Yeah. Well.’

Kent closed his eyes. He wasn’t bad looking in a silver fox kind of way. _Men_. They could get more attractive as they got older.

‘How old are you?’ Selina asked.

He opened one eye. ‘Sixty.’

‘If you dyed your hair you could pass for fifty easy,’ she said.

‘I like the way I look,’ he said.

Selina sniggered. ‘I can tell you’re not a woman.’

‘Did the beard give me away?’

‘Smart ass.’ Selina rubbed her eye. ‘If we’re still here tomorrow I’ll probably have a goatee growing. I hate getting older.’

‘That airplane has passed overhead three times now,’ Kent said. ‘Either the pilot is in terrible distress or it’s a search plane.’

Selina looked up. ‘Why the fuck didn’t you did say?’

‘I did. That was me saying.’

‘We’re probably too small for him to see,’ she said.

‘There’s also the car just there and the fire. They’re both likely to attract attention.’

Selina gave him a sideways look. ‘Never figured you for an optimist.’

‘I always thought myself a realist.’ He interlaced his fingers. ‘They won’t be able to land here. If they’ve spotted us, someone will still have to drive out here.’

Selina sat down. ‘Shit.’ She looked at him. ‘Are you meditating or some shit?’

‘Yes.’

‘Huh. You know, this is the longest period of time in years where there’s nothing for me to do. I mean, I have a packed schedule of things to do and I can’t do any of them.’

Kent was looking at her. Just looking without saying anything.

‘What?’ she asked.

‘Nothing.’

‘You’re looking at me like I’m babbling. Am I fucking babbling?’

Kent frowned slightly. ‘You seem somewhat anxious.’

‘I wonder why.’ She glanced back towards the car.

‘You should probably try to think about something else,’ Kent said. ‘There’s nothing you can do.’

‘I’m the president! I should be able to fix any problem!’ she scrambled to her feet and ran across to the car.’

‘Selina!’ Kent caught up with her half-way there.

He grabbed her up and held her as she kicked and squirmed.

‘Lemme go! Lemme go!’

‘It’s not safe,’ Kent said.

‘I’m gonna pound his head to mush.’

‘You already shot him,’ Kent said quietly. ‘He’s dead.’

She could hear how loud her breath was as she panted. ‘I know. I know.’

Kent lowered her to the ground. ‘I’m also scared.’

Selina looked at him. ‘Mr Cool-and-Fucking-Calm?’

Kent plucked a leaf from her hair. ‘It’s difficult to accept being powerless, even for a little while, but we are. I know passivity is against your nature, but all we can do now is wait.’

‘We could walk to the road.’ She kicked a tree. ‘We can’t because we don’t know where the fuck it is. Why weren’t you a boy scout? You’re the type.’

‘I was,’ he said. ‘I’m quite skilled at outdoor survival, which is why I know that we should stay where we are.’

‘Do you know how to catch animals to eat?’

‘Certainly, I can even distil water from elephant dung.’

Selina sniggered. ‘Are there many elephants in Kentucky? Are there colonies of them in the wild?’

She thought he might ignore her or get pissed. She didn’t expect him to smile.

‘It would bring jobs to the area,’ he suggested.

‘Like, killing them? Ooh, are the elephants the ones working? Kentucky is a mining state. Mining elephants could be the next innovation.’

He smiled again. ‘Perhaps you should eat the sandwich. I fear your blood sugar is low.’

She nodded. ‘Yeah. I think you’re right.’ She trudged back to the fire with him beside her. ‘You called me Selina.’

He winced. ‘Apologies. I was startled.’

She shrugged. ‘It’s okay. I kind of like the way you say it.’ She sat down. ‘I can go days without something saying my name to me. They say it on TV: President Selina Meyer, all as a block, but you all call me Ma’am, and Catherine calls me mom. Like I’m not a woman any more. I’m the president or a mother. That’s it.’

‘The only people who say my name are my co-workers,’ Kent said. ‘You have one more than me.’

Selina thought about it, about how much she should say to a work colleague, a man she’d never seen out of work, never heard any gossip about beyond him dating Sue.

‘You’re not with someone?’ she asked.

He shook his head.

‘Too private?’

He shook his head again. ‘As I grow older I’m more aware of being... outside of the social ideals. I would like companionship, but I don’t appear to have the necessary skillset.’

‘You were dating Sue for a while?’

He sighed. ‘I was.’

‘Bad breakup?’

‘Are there good ones?’ Kent asked.

‘I guess not.’ Selina shook her head. ‘You’re a sixty-year-old white guy, working for the president in D. C. You should be knee deep in pussy.’

He raised his eyebrows.

‘Not literally,’ Selina said. ‘That would be some weird fetish shit. Congressmen, senior aides, lots of them have twenty-something side chicks. You’re good looking. It’s not like you’re a woman. One day we hit that glass wall and bang! No longer fuckable.’

‘Susan Sarandon. Christine Baranski. Shelley Long,’ Kent said.

Selina looked at him blankly.

‘All beautiful women, older than myself, whom I would be glad to squire,’ he said.

Selina narrowed her eyes. ‘Yet the only woman I knew you’ve dated is Sue and she’s like half your age.’

Something, a flicker in his eye, a twitch of his mouth, stopped her.

‘Sue’s not half your age?’ she asked.

‘I don’t have the specifics,’ he said. ‘But no.’

She groaned. ‘Sue’s a fairy or something. Do they live longer or shorter?

‘Significantly longer,’ he said.

‘Lemme see a picture of your mom.’

He hesitated for a moment, and then found a picture on his cell.

Selina’s eyes widened. ‘This woman is not your mother. She looks forty!’

Kent shrugged.

‘Like it wasn’t difficult enough being an aging woman in D. C.’ She shook her head. ‘How old is Sue? To like, a decade.’

Kent shifted uneasily. ‘It wouldn’t be right for me...’

‘Ballpark,’ Selina said. ‘Older or younger.’

‘Older,’ Kent said.

‘Fuck!’ Selina threw up her arms. ‘She looks like she’s thirty-four, thirty-five.’

‘I don’t understand the whole culture of keeping a much younger mistress,’ Kent said. ‘The imbalance of experience, knowledge, power, and money is so extreme. Is the girl your companion or your pet?’

‘Ew, gross.’

‘My issue is not with the young women but the older men.’

‘It’s gross because you’re right,’ Selina said. ‘I kind of like “companion” it’s better than girlfriend. But it’s got a weird roommate vibe. I want to fuck too. I’m not that old.’

Kent laughed. ‘I intended it as covering all expressions of physical affection.’

‘All the guys are I meet are using me,’ she said.

‘All the women I meet think I’m cold and robotic,’ he said.

Selina looked at him. ‘I used to think that.’

‘I know,’ he said quietly.

‘But you’re not,’ she said. ‘You’re just a little reserved. Your humour is kind of dry. You’re smart and sciency, not bright and flashy.’ She looked at him. ‘What?’

‘I’m waiting for the “but.” I’ve heard this speech before. You’re a great guy, _but_. You’re a great friend, _but_. Any girl would be lucky to have you, _but_.’

‘Self-pity isn’t the best fragrance,’ she said.

He shrugged. ‘I thought self-pity was what we were doing.’

Selina pulled a face. ‘Yeah. Well. Wrong speech, anyway. You can tell because the “but” was at the beginning.’ She nudged him. ‘You read my mind. How did you just fuck that up? You know I like you.’

He shook his head. ‘I know you sometimes have lustful thoughts about me, and also about Dan, Andrew, and one of Mike’s assistants. The West Wing is rife with inappropriate lustful thoughts.’

She began to smirk. ‘Anyone thinking about me?’

‘Certainly.’

‘Do you think about me?’ she asked.

He hesitated. ‘Sometimes,’ he said haltingly. ‘You’re an articulate, powerful, and beautiful woman.’

She pushed back her hair. ‘Here’s me attracted to your big old brain and you’re getting off on me being powerful.’

‘It’s not my brain you think about when I lean over or bend down,’ he said.

‘Shit.’

Kent started to talk, and then stopped. He damped down the fire.

Selina squinted towards the car. She heard something, an engine, approaching.

‘Good guys or bad guys?’ she asked.

‘We’ll find out soon.’

Selina set her shoulders. ‘You know, if we survive this, we should... get dinner or something. Not a work thing. Just, you know, us chatting and eating.’

She felt him look her. Fuck. He was going to ask her to clarify or something.

‘I’d like that,’ he said.

‘Great that’s... what the fuck is that?’ she demanded, staring at the huge wolfhound that had strolled through the trees.

‘Good guys,’ Kent said.

‘What? How do you know?’ she asked as he stood.

‘Because I recognise Ben Cafferty,’ Kent said.

Selina squinted. ‘Where? I don’t see him.’

Kent pointed. ‘See the wolfhound about to urinate on a tree?’

She shook her head. ‘No fucking way.’

The End


End file.
